Solid.
Scorch.
First day of high school, Virg. We made the big time.
Football games, free periods... the chicks.
- Derek? You have a bat in the cave. - Huh?
Boogie fever.
And that was just a test. Had it been an actual emergency...
- Oh, hey, hey. - Aww...
Their first high school fight! My boys are growing up so fast.
- Where does the time go? - Who cares about the past?
- I'm thinking about my social future. - Well, I don't want anything to change.
I've got my two best guys right here, right now.
I'm your favorite though? You can admit it. He's man enough to take it.
I still can't believe you talked me into trying out for cheerleading.
You'll do fine. It's him I'm worried about.
He's in full freak mode about football tryouts.
Don't worry, I'll be there for moral support.
- You mean to goof around? - Exactly.
This is serious. You better not embarrass me.
D-rock, I never try to embarrass you. It just works out that way.
But first, a little boom-bah.
Relax, Beaugard. Be the ball, be the ball.
What's up with that?
I'll see you guys later.
- OK, that's enough for today. - No! Wait! I can do this.
Bro, maybe you ought to rest your arm.
What is that?
Coming through! Whoa!
Coming through! I can't control it!
I'm really sorry! Look out!
Whoa!
I'm sorry! Excuse me!
He's chewing up my field!
- Isn't that your neighbor? - Charlie Tuttle.
This kid in our class who's nine years old.
He skipped a bunch of grades because he's a genius.
Oh, yeah. A real Einstein.
Get off my field right now!
Stupid dork's going down.
What are you doing? He's going away. Just ignore him.
Oh!
Now that's some accuracy.
Little baby.
Come on, give him a break.
Whoa, whoa! Hey, hey!
Hey, come on! Hey, Derek?
Derek, if you wanna jump in, that's cool.
Derek?
Put me down! Put me down!
- Good throw! All right, Derek! - Nice shot!
Thanks for sticking up for me. I'm sorry about how it turned out.
Please tell me I don't look as ridiculous as you do.
It's not that bad, really. That's a... that's a nice red on you.
- I'm Charlie Tuttle. - Virgil Fox.
Nice to meet you.
So, what's the story with that rocket cart thing?
I always get a hard time on the bus and I hypothesized
a rocket-propulsion all-terrain cart would help avoid embarrassment.
Uh-huh. And how's that working out for you?
It's working great!
My emotion modulator actually allows me to understand
what Albert Felinestein is trying to communicate with his various meows!
Isn't that amazing?
Virgil? Hey! Earth to Virgil.
Virg! Don't you think, Virgil?
Virgil? Aren't you excited?
Yes, Charlie, I'm thrilled that you talk to your cat.
Um, I'm not entirely certain, but I believe you may be employing sarcasm.
Charlie, what do you want from me? Your inventions always work.
I can only act so surprised every time you figure out
how to power your house with tartar sauce.
It's cocktail sauce.
You know what would make me happy? If you built something useful.
By useful, I mean something that would make me rich and popular. Or both.
Hey, you can't ride that thing on the...
Hey, great bike. Lots of shiny, chrome, gear-y things.
Did you know that the contents of pudding actually makes you grow taller?
- It does. - That's why you're so tall.
It's the electrolytes and everything.
Thumbs down... and go!
Yes! I win!
Senior year and I'm still eating at the dork table.
No offense, guys. I do enjoy the stimulating conversation.
Hey, none taken.
But seriously, how did it come to this?
Let's see, maybe your plight has something to do with
being stripped, dressed in mini skirts, and hung from the school mascot.
A picture made the cover of the yearbook. Three years in a row.
- And on all the local news stations. - And the Spanish Channel.
Ah yes, the incident I will one day be explaining
to a very expensive therapist.
Hey, Hummingbird.
That's Charlie speak for 'hello.'
Um, excuse me, miss. Why did you call him 'Hummingbird?'
Oh, I love birds. All kinds of birds.
Big birds, little birds. I'm even the official secretary
for the local chapter of the Junior Bird Buddies of America. Such an honor!
Anyway, gotta run.
Fix that.
Well, that explains it.
Jeanette has been sweating you for two years. What's your deal?
Forget it. I'm married to science.
Hey, congratulations, buddy.
Pardon me, gents.
Ah, soda.
I hear if you leave a penny in that stuff for a week it comes out shiny?
I was actually planning on drinking it.
Well, never mind then.
So, um, how are you, Virg?
I didn't see you much this summer.
Oh, you know, I was doing a lot of mountain climbing, jet skiing...
- Video games? - I didn't leave the couch. You?
The usual, pool parties, cheerleading camp.
But I did take this awesome architecture class.
Oh, that's cool.
I remember you made a gingerbread house that had ten rooms...
- And walk-in cIosets. - Took us six months to eat it.
Oh, well...
Well, I have calculus. Hate it. Need it. Can't be an architect without it.
I got Public Speaking.
Hate it. Need it. Can't be a game show host without it.
There's a good reason Tesla's biographer
named his book A Man Out of Time.
Tesla was so far advanced over his contemporaries,
that they often derided...
...they often derided him as...
Miss...
Jocelyn, is it too much to ask that you not do your nails while I lecture?
Sorry. When are you done?
- Excuse me. - Ah, Mr. Tuttle.
I believe you're here for your booster chair.
I'll get it later. AV Club emergency.
I need Virgil Fox right away!
- Virgil Fox? - He's out sick.
- I heard he might not make it. - Very funny, Mr. Fox.
You can pick up your hall pass on your way out.
That's it. I'm moving to Paraguay.
- Ever really looked at our mascot? - Forget the hall pass.
Remember that rocket-propulsion all terrain cart the day of the incident?
Thanks for mentioning it again.
It's been ten minutes since someone brought it up.
Listen, it ties together. That invention may have not been a success,
but one element of the design was proven viable. The quantum accelerator.
Remember that physics, new reality, many worlds theory kick?
Oh, yeah, that was fun.
I started building my own theory based on all of that work,
incorporating my proven hypothesis of quantum acceleration.
I put one of the school's computers on permanent reserve.
The DSL has been doing all the work.
And moments ago, I uploaded the last piece of the puzzle.
Commander Tuttle on the bridge!
Dude, no way I'm saluting you.
Fine. At ease.
What I'm about to show you is very,
very, very top secret.
We have to keep this just between us.
Check it out.
Yeah?
What you're looking at
is a successful simulation of practical time travel.
What are you doing?
I'm trying to stop any more of your brain from leaking out your ears.
What?
Come on, yesterday you said I should build something useful.
Well, time travel is useful.
Charlie, you're 1 4 years old.
You're two years away from your driver's license,
you still call your underwear 'underpants'.
I should believe you built a time machine?
Yes! And based on my specifications a person could travel up to 48 hours
- into the past! - That's weak.
Pardon me, how's your time travel formula coming along?
It's all about light, right? Nothing moves faster.
Well, my hypothesis suggests that you can time travel on a beam of light.
From any light source. Even light from a slide projector.
A slide projector? Like a regular slide projector?
Did I say regular? No, I didn't.
What we're talking about is a complex amalgamation
of electronic components and internal combustion mechanics.
Which you know nothing about, by the way.
We'll have to find a hardware guy. I don't see this as a problem.
Hey, Chickadee! What's shakin'?
You have to excuse Charlie. He's nervous around girls.
- No, I'm not! - Oh, it's cool, I like shy boys.
- Um, what's in the bowI? - Meringue. The assignment.
Here, take mine. I'll make a new one.
- Did you see that? - What?
Dude, she gave you meringue. That's huge.
I just need to know, are you going to help me with this or not?
Are you gonna be part of something, make history,
or sit on the sidelines and be a passive observer?
OK, look, I'll make you a deal.
I'll help with your machine and find a hardware guy.
But when we try it out for the first time,
we use it for whatever I want to do.
- All right. - Right.
But Virgil, this hardware person we need is tricky.
Why?
Because he not only needs to be gifted mechanically,
but also, let's say, require a certain moral flexibility.
- Lives on the fringes of society. - OK. Well...
- How about him? - Zeke? Are you serious?
Look at him. He's, he's...
Perfect. You know, at those monster truck shows,
there's always that giant metal dinosaur that breathes fire and destroys cars?
- I've seen the commercials. - He and his dad build those.
Killer-saurus. 1 5,000 pounds of jaw-crushing force!
- I get it. - Look out folks, it's car-nivorous!
I get it! I get it.
Your cat is freaking me out.
It's not my cat. It's his.
His name is Albert Felinestein.
That's the dumbest name for a cat I've ever heard.
Couldn't agree more, Zeke.
Zekester.
I hate when people bend names too.
Like 'Virgilosity.' I'm like, 'Come on, people, it's Virgil.'
I'm going to stop talking now.
- Amy, no! This is a private meeting. - Oh, I'm sorry.
I just came down to watch TV. But Mom did mention you had a new friend over?
A boy.
Ew, he's gross! Geez, Virgil, why can't you bring home cute boys?
Amy, leave or I tell mom you're doing makeovers on the hamsters again.
Chill. I'm outta here. It's like I walked into an ugly contest.
- She's a charmer. - OK.
OK, this thing, this, uh,
quantum integration to the physical properties of light projection,
Iooks like it could work.
Yeah, Mongo read.
- OK. So you'll help us construct it? - Why not?
I'm always up for a challenge. And free bean dip.
Um, you have a little...
- No. -...some bean...
Do that again and I weld you to the crosstown bus.
Have you thought how we're going to use this thing?
The first journey back will obviously be a monumental event,
and our specific goal on that journey should be appropriately grandiose.
I got it. Two words, gentlemen:
- The lottery. - Nice.
Absolutely not, Virgil! I refuse to agree to that.
Oh, but you already did.
You said that if I helped you,
we'd use the machine for whatever I wanted to. No do-overs!
Do you want to time travel or don't you?
- Fine. - Yes!
You're not going to be able to just plug this thing into a wall outlet.
- This is gonna take major amperage. - Not to mention privacy and space.
I know the place. It's perfect.
It's completely perfect.
Come on, come on!
- Oh! - Vice Principal Tolkan,
we need to talk about starting a new club.
No can do. We're completely maxed-out on classroom space.
The Future Fonduers of America were the last ones in.
Is that Chester in the vending machine?
- Hey, fellas. - Does anyone have four quarters?
- It's not taking my dollar. - You going to do something?
Like what? Change the way high school works? No gentlemen.
Everything in the world has an order.
There are those who stuff others into vending machines,
and those who get stuffed into vending machines. It's the way the system works.
It's in the Vice Principal's handbook.
Anyway, about our club,
- we were wondering... - Room 77! We want room 77!
Impossible. Never gonna happen.
Like this.
Perhaps we can convince you to reconsider.
Huh?
Done.
All right, scooch over to your left. I'm going after the Pretzel Nubs.
The north wing was knocked down to make the football field,
which we're underneath now.
Room 77 was built to be the school's fallout shelter back in the 1 950's.
I think it's right through here.
Someone call Extreme Classroom Makeover.
This is a disaster.
Got great bones, though.
OK! This is it.
One small step for man,
but one very large...
No, that's not it. It's one small step for...
Dude, just turn it on.
Good gravy!
- Scratch! - It's scorch.
- Right. - So who wants go first?
Be the world's first time traveler?
I just ate a meatball sandwich. I might get cramps.
Yeah and um... this is my new favorite shirt.
Get the goggles.
- OK, you're good. - Come on, no biting.
- OK. - OK.
Where's Albert Felinestein?
Did you...?
Hello? Vortex! He could die!
You were OK with me going in there. What...
- But I was gonna... - Hang on!
Whoa, a catsicle!
Virgil, time travel is unpredictable.
The temperatures can be highly variable!
Guys? Take a look at the watch.
8:43.
8:44.
An exact one-minute differential. That means...
Your cat is the first time-traveler in history!
We did it!
Huh. That's bizarre.
I've got a reading from the Summerton sensor, pretty much off the charts,
but nothing around it. Hmm.
You think they got anything on that upstairs?
Nah, they would've called right away. Probably another computer glitch.
They give us basement dwellers the lame-o equipment.
Plus all the good snacks are upstairs.
I mean, seriously, try one of these, they're stale.
Steph, what do I have to do to make you believe me?
She's just teaching me French.
Hmm, Jocelyn Lee is tutoring you in French, and that's all?
See, that's why I need her help. I have no idea what you said.
I said, 'My boyfriend is a Iying cheesebrain.'
Come on, Steph, Jocelyn's hot but she's a total bottom feeder.
I would never go there.
- I know. - I'll call you later, OK?
OK.
- Oh, Steph, I didn't see you there. - Oh, hey.
- You studying? - I was looking for a pencil sharpener.
Oh, I have one.
Do you have a pencil?
Same old Virg. Never changes.
Well, you haven't changed much either.
Does your hair still frizz up when you run through the sprinkler?
Totally. This morning before school I set up the Wiggly Worm on the lawn...
I love the Wiggly Worm. Remember that time I almost drowned?
Because Derek shoved the nozzle up your nose.
He tried to run away and cracked his head on the telephone pole.
Shh!
- I miss us. - Tres amigos.
Yeah.
You know, Derek really did try to stop those football players.
But you know how seniors are.
Anyway, I know he feels bad about what happened that day.
You know, they say that people who don't let go of the past die faster.
And get more acne.
I'm sweating like five hogs.
Due to irregularities in temperature, we should be prepared.
OK, I got the winning Iottery numbers right here.
To guarantee that the vortex maintains stability long enough to return safely,
we only have ten minutes on the other side.
Otherwise, we run the risk of exploding.
That's funny, I thought you said exploding.
I did. Activating grid...
Um... what's with the grappling hook?
You making fun of the hook?
What? No, no. Love, love the hook.
Next stop... funky town.
Whoa!
I just remembered. I forgot to triple check the...
Can we talk about this?
We gotta work on our landings.
1:27 yesterday. We did it.
Oh yes, we did it. We're time travelers.
# We're time travelers We're time travelers #
# We're time, we're time, we're time we're time, we're time travelers #
- # We're time travelers # - Is he OK?
He really loves science.
# We're time travelers We're time travelers #
One lottery ticket, please. These are the numbers.
- We're feeling lucky. - Uh-huh.
Are you feeling like you have I.D.? You need to be 1 8 to buy a lottery ticket.
Hi. We need to ask you a favor.
He wants a tip.
Here, OK.
We need you to buy us a lottery ticket with these numbers.
What do you say?
- Tip him. - Oh.
It's all I got, OK?
You guys. You guys! We have two minutes to get back to school!
New plan. We'll meet you here tomorrow at 1 2:00.
Hang on to the ticket till then, OK?
OK.
OK, that's the second fluctuation, of the same exact magnitude,
at the same exact location.
I'm telling you, it's a technical glitch.
What else could it be?
You think they all of a sudden started drilling for oil in Summerton?
Now, let's just get back to work, all right?
Can you help me un-knot this?
Cool. I can't believe he won.
An incredible story from Summerton this afternoon.
The winner of the State Lottery, announced last night,
has turned out to be none other than Robot Man.
Told you.
OK, so tomorrow we go back in time and get a new lottery ticket.
- But this time, we be sure... - No. Virgil, it's wrong.
It's cheating.
You're right. It is cheating.
New plan. We go on TV with the machine, do an infomercial,
sell like 8,000 of them and instantly become rich and humongously popular!
And they say you can't buy happiness.
Listen to me. If anyone finds out about this time machine
it will be the end of me, you, and Zeke.
The end!
Can you back up? I have personal space issues.
Oh, no.
Think outside the box.
There's an important use for the machine.
What's more important than being rich and popular?
Kidding! I'm kidding... mostly.
Hey, Chester. Looking for these?
Hey, gimme those!
If you're trying out a new look, let me say it's not working.
Those kids stole my cIothes. Can you help me get them back?
I'd like to. Really, I would.
But that would mean altering the delicate social system at the school.
So... good luck.
Virgil, I just had a brilliant idea.
- You mean use the time machine to... - Exactly.
- Starch! - Again, scorch.
Did you read the instructions I e-mailed you?
I'm sorry.
OK, so let me get this straight.
You're saying we become like silent heroes
- to the un-cool? - Look around.
We live in a world where mere minutes
can make or break a person's entire future.
Take what happened freshman year. Had I known it would ruin my life,
- I never would've done it. - Tell us how you really feel?
Think about all the kids at this school like Chester, like us.
We all live in constant fear of humiliation,
because we happen to be smaller, less coordinated, whatever.
But we can change that.
The Minutemen must use their powers for truth and justice.
And then we focus on getting rich.
Again, I'm kidding.
- And who are the Minutemen? - We. Us.
The all-important minutes in time.
- Clever, right? - Sort of.
Not really.
Forget it! None of these remote control hookups are gonna work.
This is no good.
We have to make adjustments while we're back in time.
Well, then, I guess one of us is going to hang back.
- Not it! - Not it.
Not it! Aww! Dang it!
- Unfair, I invented the machine. - OK.
- Re-do. Not it! - Not it!
Not it! Double dang it!
Not it! That was fun.
- Not it! - Uh, Jeanette, what are you doing here?
I was looking for a club to join and I saw yours.
- 'The Back To The Future Fan Club.' - Oh, right.
I love that movie, even though I never really saw it.
But I totally love the idea of time travel.
I mean, it's just so... science fiction-y.
Actually Jeanette, your timing is interesting.
No, it isn't, Virgil. What are you doing?
Uh... Excuse us.
- Shh! - It's gonna mess up...
Hi.
- No, no, no! - Listen to me.
- No, no, no. - Think about what's going on.
OK.
Jeanette, have a seat.
Whoa!
- OK, you know what to do, right? - Sure thing, Puffin.
Um... but first...
We so have to do something about those outfits.
Huh?
There you go. That's better.
- Where did you get these? - My Dad just bought Ski World.
How lucky is that? If he still owned The Shrimp 'n Waffle Hut
that would be like, no help at all.
I've been looking for something form-fitting
that would highlight these massive guns.
- You're built like a chihuahua. - You look like a yeti.
- You think I don't know what a yeti is? - Do you?
- Virgil, grow up. - Me, grow up? You grow up!
- Don't yell at Charlie! - I'm not! You stop yelling!
I never yell at people.
Stop yelling!
I never thought time travel would invol've so much bickering.
Oh, man!
Hold it right there, friend.
Uh, if you guys are gonna pick on me, you'll have to take a number.
- Don't be afraid. - We're here to help.
What's going on, fellas?
Oh, you can keep those. I got myself some new threads.
Who were those snowsuit guys?
After twenty years of service
the board gives you either a gold watch or one of these.
My sweet little castle.
Don't touch it. It's going in my office in a bulletproof glass case.
It's delicate.
Did we win? Did we win?
Oh, we won all right. We won big.
Nurse Ratchett and Coach Bob
have seen it before and they assure me it's not contagious.
One more thing, before we wrap up this morning's announcements.
Recently, a group of students dressed in snowsuits,
disrupted a gym class.
More importantly, they destroyed my precious diorama.
Whoever you students are, let me make it perfectly clear
that once you are identified, you will be severely punished.
That is all.
Cool. We're outlaws.
- On the run from Johnny Law. - Naughty Neds.
That's what my mom calls me when I forget to floss.
Perfect, except I think that's a dangling participle.
I hate it when those things dangle.
Pick up in five minutes, OK?
I'm totally tired and need to sit down.
You think maybe you could just bring the food to our table?
You know, bend the rules just a little bit?
Eugene von Hoserberg.
- Uh... You bet. - Great.
So, do you think you get it?
Um... yeah.
Here you go...
Nice one, dork.
Way to go, Eugene.
Eugene von Hoserberg.
- Uh... You bet. - Great.
- Here you go. - All right! The Snowsuit Guys!
All right, the Snowsuit guys.
Way to go, Snow Guys.
Way to go, Eugene.
Whoa... deja vu.
The jig is up, Ski Club! Or should I say...
...Snowsuit Guys?
Yeah, I party with them all the time.
Who's this we're talking about, Eugene?
Oh, hey, Virgil. Yeah, it's nobody you know.
I'm just talking about the Snowsuit Guys.
Oh, yeah, I heard about them.
They're supposed to be total heroes.
Oh, and I hear the medium height guy, is extremely hilarious
and devastatingly handsome...
And they're called the Minutemen, not the Snowsuit Guys!
Anyone notice that Eugene has copped an attitude?
You want attitude, check out Chester.
Am I a trend setter? You tell me, amigo.
I mean, who else are these kids supposed to look up to to set trends?
Those doorknobs?
Virgil? Virgil, Virgil!
I almost called you, but I wanted to tell you in person.
- What? What's going on? - I got accepted into UC Belmont!
Get out!
But it's not a done deal yet. I applied for a cheerleading scholarship.
They're sending a scout, which means I have to work on my pyramid dismount.
That's so cool! I'm so psyched for you! You love that school!
- Steph! - Oh, Derek.
- Oh. - Gotta tell him about the scholarship.
So, I'll see you later, Virg. Bye.
Charlie, what's wrong?
OK, there's something I haven't told you about the time travel formula.
Remember there was one last piece of the equation that evaded me for years,
until I found what I was looking for
through a round-the-cIock internet downloading procedure.
- He was hacking. - It gets worse.
- I stole it from NASA. - You robbed NASA?
- It's not as bad as it sounds. - Yes, it's worse than it sounds.
The files were from the 1 960s, they were defunct.
- No one has touched them for decades. - This is bad, real bad.
- We could go to prison. - Just so you know,
if we do go to prison, and we share the same cell, I snore like a chain saw.
- Great. - This won't be a problem
as long as we don't use the machine for awhile and lay low.
Mmm, I dropped a grape.
So, how did it happen?
Forget it. It's terrible Stephanie fell off the top of the pyramid.
But forget it. I mean, we all said that we were being watched, right?
The heat is on.
If we don't help Stephanie she could lose out on her scholarship.
- We have to go back. - 'Cause you have a creepy crush on her!
Oh! Creepy crush. I vote yes!
Charlie, you said it yourself, the files you hacked into were defunct.
I'll bet nobody knows they're missing. Need I remind you?
We are the Minutemen, not the Weeniemen.
Don't be late for dinner!
OK, we need a plan of action.
- We've got to be extremely discreet. - And bold and decisive.
- Zeke, what do you think? - Where'd he go?
- Zeke? - Where'd he go?
At least we got the bold and decisive part.
Go, go, go!
Come back here! Come on.
Snowsuit Guys.
- What's up, Gene. - Hey, dudes. Mind if I hack in?
Stop! Hold it right there!
Go Rams! Whoo!
Good catch!
Wow.
I don't know who you are, but you're amazing.
Get out.
Snowsuit Guys, Snowsuit Guys!
Get... whoa!
- All right! - Yeah! Snowsuit Guys!
And we're called the Minutemen!
Yeehaw!
According to my calculations, you guys are in my way.
- Leave us alone, Chester. - I'm not fond of your hat.
- Excuse me, what is going on here? - Chester keeps harassing us.
- Shut up, dirtball. - Everyone, settle down.
Chester, last I remember you were at the bottom of the food chain,
and I will not tolerate students leapfrogging to a higher social status.
So you come with me.
- The Ram's Horn? - Thanks.
- Sure. - can I have one?
- 'Robot Man Sues OId Lady'? - Virgil, this is bad.
We are changing the outcome of things we never planned on.
- Our jumps cause a chain reaction. - How so?
Chester getting in trouble. That's never happened before.
Robot men suing old ladies? It's a world gone mad!
Mad I tell you!
GIobal warming. He's really freaked out.
Hey, you, uh, need a hand?
Uh... Steph.
Um, not, not really.
- What are you...? - I figure it's the least I can do,
- to thank you. - For what?
For saving me. Snowsuit Guy.
- What? Oh, no, no, no. - Oh, don't even try it, Virg.
'Get out?' Please.
You, Charlie, and Zeke Thompson
- are the Snowsuit Guys. - Steph...
I knew it! That is so cool! I figured it out because I started thinking.
The kids you helped, it was before something bad was about to happen,
- like with me. - That is ridiculous.
How are we gonna know when something bad is gonna happen?
That's exactly what I asked myself.
I thought about it and I thought about it.
- Then I figured it out. - No, you didn't.
- Yes, I did. - No.
- You couldn't have. - Admit it, Virgil.
You, Charlie and Zeke...
-...are psychic. - Time travelers?
What? Who said 'time travelers'?
- No, that's crazy. We're psychic. - Get out!
- We're psychic. I heard you... - No, no, no.
Virgil, you said time travel. Oh my gosh, cool! How do you do it? Huh? Huh?
Huh? Huh?
Down!
Time out!
Six seconds left in this match of crosstown rivals.
The Hornets cling to a four-point lead coming on fourth and goal for Summerton.
Football. Remind me why we're here again.
'Cause some kid always embarrasses himself at these things.
Just keep your eyes open.
You know, I'm actually very bright.
Even though a lot of people see me as sputty.
- Sputty? - A cross between spunky and nutty.
Great.
Listen, Beau, it's all in your hands, but no pressure.
All right? Forget that there's six seconds left on the cIock.
Forget that you could put Summerton High on the map.
Forget my little boy is up there in the stands,
Iooking down on his father trying to fulfill a lifelong dream
of winning a state championship. Forget about all that.
What I want is you...
...you, to, uh...
- Be the ball? - Be the ball.
Be the ball! Go get 'em!
Down! Blue, twenty-two!
- Go Rams go! - Blue, twenty-two!
- Set! Hike! - Whoo!
Down with Tolkan! Done with Tolkan!
Down with Tolkan!
For a guy with nudity issues, he's come full circle.
Loses the ball! There's a fumble on the play!
And Hamilton's got it!
The Hornets win! What a heartbreaker for Summerton.
I always knew you were gonna do big things, Virg, but time travel?
That's whacked out, man.
One, two, three, four Your team stinks. You'll never score!
- Amy... - Five six seven eight
- You can't touch this. I'm too great. - Amy, that's it. Upstairs!
Stephanie, I didn't even see you. It's so weird that you're here.
And oh my gosh, Derek Beaugard?
You are like the best football player ever...
...except for that blown play yesterday.
- Just go. Amy, go watch cartoons. - No.
I'm so, so sorry.
I'm trying to talk my folks into caging her when there's company.
She's so cute.
Oh. So, um...
About the game yesterday, Virg. That was a really big deal for Derek.
He feels like he let everybody in school down.
- I would've won that game. - Chester streaked across the field
- and distracted him. - What's gotten into all the dorks?
It's like they just don't know their place anymore.
So you guys want the Minutemen to stop Chester from interfering with the game?
Uh, no, man. We want you guys to do it.
Who are the... Minutemen?
That's us.
Never mind.
- So, uh... - I don't know.
- Charlie's gonna be a tough sell. - Come on, Virg.
I know we never really talked about what went down that day, freshman year.
But the thing is, I tried to stop them. It was a raw deal, man.
I wish you and I could get back to how we used to be.
AIways chillin'.
What do you say, man?
Scorch!
I can't believe you want to help Derek after what he did to you?
- Did to us? - It didn't happen the way we think.
- And besides, it's time to move on. - I've been running some tests.
We might be damaging the space-time continuum with our time travel.
That could have serious consequences to our future or even the planet.
What happened to Derek in that game was our fault.
- Indirectly. - He's right, Kookaburra.
Chester's a different person after you rescued him in the Locker.
- Excellent point. - Is it me,
or have I totally lost control of this project?
Lost control, bro.
Sorry I'm late.
Activating grid.
Ah, yes. We mustn't forget the grappling hook.
Everybody's gotta make fun of the hook. You'll all be sorry.
Whee!
I will never get tired of that.
Yeah!
Ha!
Hey, guys. You seen this?
Can I get a little help, guys?
Guys, a little help?
Beaugard loses the ball, fumbles the play.
Hamilton's got it! And the Hornets win.
So because you took this tape with you when you jumped back in time...
It still exists.
- Pretty clever, huh? - This is crazy, man.
You're the man! I gotta tell the guys about this.
- No! - You can't do that!
This is too big. This has got to stay between us.
Yeah, yeah, no worries, brother. But we gotta celebrate.
Tomorrow we're partying at my house and you gotta be there.
Oh, I want to. I, I can't, though. I'm hanging out with Charlie.
The Weather Network is counting down the top ten hailstorms of all time.
I didn't realize how lame an evening that was till I said it out loud.
Oh! Thank you.
Thanks.
So, you having fun?
Oh, yeah. I haven't been to a party since I was ten.
And I remember the pony threw up on me.
- That was my birthday party. - Oh.
I'm kidding.
Oh, good.
So I guess you're going to the dance Saturday?
Yeah, I guess.
You don't sound happy about it.
I don't know. Derek and I go to every party,
every social gathering.
It's really a sickness when you think about it.
I don't know.
Being popular seems like a very satisfying way of life.
I don't know about that.
Sometimes I wonder if I chose the right path.
I mean, look at you. You don't seem to mind that you're...
...um...
Captain of the dorks?
I wasn't going to say it like that.
But seriously, you guys look like you're having so much more fun than everyone.
Really? 'Cause from our side,
it looks like you are having all the fun.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Hey, Virg! - Hey.
It is so good partying with you again.
Thank those other guys for me, the big, scary dude, and the little twerp.
Oh! Dang it. I forgot to cancel with Charlie.
Hold on, let me call him.
- Stephanie, come see this. - He probably forgot all about it.
Charlie, how many more times do I have to apologize?
Three hundred and twel've times ought to do it.
Charlie, listen, I'm really, really sorry!
Fine... I forgive you.
Look, I'm just really frazzled.
I'm worried about the time machine and possible ripple effects.
Hang on, I've got another call. I'll get rid of them.
Hello?
Hey, Virgil?
Um...
- I can't believe I just... - What's wrong?
He, um...
- He, um... - Don't go anywhere. I'll be there.
Steph. Steph.
Stephanie?
I haven't done this since eighth grade.
- That, that wasn't there before. - You could have used the front door.
Yeah, but what fun would that be?
So tell me, what happened?
So, Derek got out of practice early.
And when I went over to his house, I saw him kissing Jocelyn Lee.
Oh, Steph.
I knew it, too.
I just didn't want to believe it.
I feel so stupid.
I know how much you like pistachio nuts, but
in the rush to get here, I accidentally grabbed a bag of pasta shells.
Do you have any marinara sauce?
Huh? Well...
No, I can go get some if you...
You're joking.
It was really nice of you to come over, Virg.
You're an amazing friend.
Yeah... friend.
- Hello? - Babe, can we talk this out?
It's Derek.
Listen, I'm going to talk to him.
I have to end it once and for all.
Good luck.
I'm OK!
These repeated irregularities are maintaining half-lives
after their primary incidence.
It's totally weirdsville.
I mean, it's serious, sir. Um...
The fluctuations are emanating directly from Summerton High School.
I actually have a theory about that.
It's, well...
Does the department have any contacts at the FBI?
You know, you're kind of scary and unapproachable.
Can we sit with you?
You don't know what it's like to be me.
Great athlete, hugely popular.
I mean, it's like people expect me to play the field.
- Cheat almost. - What's your point?
But I didn't cheat. Jocelyn made the first move.
She kissed me but I didn't kiss her back.
That does not count as cheating.
The thing is, and this is where you come in,
I want you to go back in time and stop Stephanie from busting me with Jocelyn.
What?
- Why should I? - Because I made a big mistake.
A huge one. And it'll never happen again, I swear.
I don't know. I mean, you really hurt her.
I know. I know and I feel awful.
But Steph and I have been going out a long time now.
She's everything a guy could ever want.
I like that the three of us have been hanging out again.
Like the old days, and it could still be like that, man.
Come on, buddy. What do you say?
- I need to think about it. - Yeah.
Yeah, sure.
Hey! What's going on? Hold up.
Put on your seat belt.
I'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy.
But I can give you the names of the two...
I was gonna give them fake names. I'd never rat you out.
Yeah, right.
- Mr.'Keep Me On Hold All Night.' - Good afternoon, gentlemen.
My name is Agent Rehnquist, of the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
And I'm going to let you boys in on a secret.
A national secret.
In 1 969, shortly after the Apollo 1 1 moon landing,
the United States government began funding
a number of new scientific projects.
One of these projects was time travel.
- What? - Time travel?
- That's something else. - So science fiction-y.
Hollywood baloney. That's...
The project turned up little results
and was eventually shut down.
The files never again touched.
That is until two months ago
when an industrious individual, or individuals,
broke into the NASA mainframe,
using a computer which we traced to Summerton High School.
All right! I...
What my friend was about to say is that
if you're not going to charge us with anything,
you can't keep us here. That's right, look it up.
I took a semester of Government.
Got a B minus.
I don't understand, sir. You're just letting them go?
We can get more information by watching.
Yeah, but now they know we're watching them.
Yes sir, excellent plan.
This is bad. Real bad.
Yeah, way to go Naughty Ned.
Thanks to you we have the FBI on our backs.
Me? I wanted to stop this whole thing weeks ago!
But no, you had to use it for your own personal gain.
Charlie's right. Going to parties, hanging with the populars.
If I remember correctly, you benefited too.
- How so? - We gave you a life.
Before us, you were this big guy everyone was afraid of.
- You better shut up, Virgil. - See.
You're being mean.
Charlie, why don't you just go home to your computer and your cat.
I will.
Good luck on your new life as a popular person.
I'm outta here, too. I'm better off on my own, I always have been.
Well, that's the last of the data.
Unfortunately, we won't have an answer until morning.
Well, excuse me for not having a supercomputer.
Hello?
Oh. Hey, Derek.
What do you say, Virg? Gonna help me out, buddy?
Yeah, sure...
...D-rock.
- Ahh! - Good morning, Magpie!
Your mom let me in. It is such a nice day I was thinking
we could go on a walk and talk about our future.
And then... oh!
- I'd like an orange house. - The results!
You wouldn't need an address. On the envelope you just say
'Jeanette Pachelewski, orange house.'
It's done!
Oh, um, I'm no scientist,
but that doesn't look good.
We created a... a...
A... a... Spit it out, Bluebird.
A black hole.
That's bad, right?
As the timeline continues,
we see an increased number of occurrences here in the Summerton area.
If we can all turn to page 47, we can see where I highlighted...
- Hey! - I lied!
I stole the formula, we've been time-traveling all over the place.
Way ahead of you. I'd like you to meet Doctors Connors
and Winthorpe from the seismology department at Pacific Tech.
Doctors, this is Charles Tuttle.
- What are you, nine years old? - He's fourteen.
That's better. Now I don't feel like such a loser.
So you already know about the black hole?
- What? - The black hole!
I knew you guys were underfunded, but come on.
Preposterous. We ran the worst case scenario several times.
We never came up with a black hole.
I see five, six decimals that weren't carried over.
Hmm.
- Oops. - Yeah, oops.
Each time we used the machine, the rift in the space-time continuum
did not disappear. Instead the fluctuations blended together
to create one giant black hole.
The worst part is the black hole will spread until it swallows up Summerton.
Then the Northwest, then the entire United States.
And so on.
- How much time till zero hour? - According to my estimates we have...
...less than four hours till the end of the world.
OK, people, we are going to Code Red. Get Washington on the phone, now!
There might be a way to reverse it, but it's a longshot.
Well, let's hear it, sir.
I'm excited for the dance tonight.
And you know what?
I'm really glad you're coming with me.
- Hey, what are friends for? - Come on.
- Everything set? - Uh, yeah.
The suits are in the basement, we'll go through the tunnels under the cafeteria.
Sweet. We'll go as soon as they announce the winners.
Hey, Virgil.
Steph...
Do you believe that a person's life can change in a single moment?
Sometimes for the better, other times for the worse?
Yeah, I guess.
There's a moment in one of our lives that's about to change.
And I don't know if it's for the better or for the worse.
Virgil, um, I'm not following.
Uh, attention...
Um, attention everyone.
It's time to announce this year's king and queen of the dance.
But first...
Sonny, Red, and I wanna fry up some
peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Thank you. Thank you very much.
It's EIvis Presley. Anyone?
Come on, that was a brilliant... Whatever.
Stephanie Jameson and Virgil Fox get up here. You won.
- This is such a surprise. - Not really.
To guarantee we'd win, I went back in time and stuffed the ballot box.
What?
Miss Jameson and Mr. Fox.
Don't let it go to your head. There's still time for a recount.
So, um, did you really stuff the box?
Yeah.
I mean, you, sure, but who would vote for me?
I would.
- This is weird. - Yeah.
- Why? - A good weird.
- Right. - How you can be friends with someone
for so long, then...
- It's different.. - A good different.
- Come on, brother, it's time to go. - Oh, about that.
- I think I changed my mind. - You promised.
- Virgil? - Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back.
I knew Derek would be hacked about Virgil bringing Stephanie.
Fight!
- Oh, no. - Fight, fight.
Derek, wait up. Can we talk about this?
Oh, man.
Stephanie, where's Virgil?
- He left with Derek. - Why?
Don't tell me he's going to jump back in time?
- Oh my gosh, that's what he's doing! - He might make things worse!
- Excuse me! Sorry! - Worse than the end of the world?
Derek, I don't think I can do this.
What, why?
Stephanie. I just... I just think...
Dude, don't tell me you're going to try to steal my girl.
We're friends. I mean, buddies don't do that to each other.
Virgil! Virgil Fox!
Virgil, we have a small problem.
We have less than an hour to save the planet!
- What are you talking about? - Well, well. What do we have here, hmm?
Looks like the beginnings of a fracas.
- A what? - A fracas!
- It's a fight. - We'll sort out the detentions later.
Right now, all of you get back to the gym.
Everyone move!
Everyone freeze! FBI!
Stop! CIA!
Bureau of Weights and Measures!
In the future, you should probably go first.
Virgil, that's what I was talking about. Come on.
We need to get these people out of here now!
So, we're supposed to go inside the black hole and cIose it?
As far as I can figure, it's the only way.
We'll take the remote pack with us and reverse the polarity once we land.
- What pack? - I've been working on
a new way to control our jumps from the other side.
OK, hold the phone.
We can't let these students go in that, they could die!
We have no choice. They're the only ones familiar with the equipment.
If they don't go then we could all die.
God speed.
I'm the one who messed everything up.
I'll go. Charlie and Zeke had nothing to do with it.
What do you mean, nothing to do with it? I invented it.
- I helped. - No, you didn't.
- Yeah, I did. - You painted it!
Excuse me.
OK. Enough! Enough!
You'll both go.
You'll be needing me too, sir, and my hook.
Listen, guys, once we've reversed the wormhole's polarity,
there's no measuring how quickly it will cIose.
It could stay open for several more minutes or vanish instantaneously.
And even if we do make it back alive,
there's no guarantee we'll return exactly to the point we exited from.
- Aye aye, Seņor Positive. - Good luck, Zeke!
Virgil, I hear you're trying to save the world.
That's right. Your big brother's pretty cool, huh?
When you die can I have your room? Mine is way too small and...
- Bye, Amy. - Charlie, um...
Come back in one piece, OK?
Come on, Charlie, we gotta go. Charlie?
- Here. - All right, Zeke.
Virgil.
You can do it!
Listen, I just... whatever happens, I just want you to know...
Hey man, good luck. With everything.
Yeah, great.
Just, um...
Just be careful.
- OK? - OK.
Minutemen! Minutemen! Minutemen!
At least they finally got the name right.
Let's do this, fellas!
Whoa. Cool.
Wow! Space men!
- I think we landed in Munchkinland. - Cool. What up, Munchkins?
Actually, we're across town at the park.
What planet did you come from? From Neptune?
Do people on Neptune eat macaroni? I Iove macaroni. Is macaroni a vegetable?
Beat it, kid. We're workin' here.
OK, set up the antenna.
Beginning reversal sequence.
Come on.
Wow! Sweet!
This looks good!
Rate of increase is slowing!
The vortex's polarity is decreasing.
Stabilization achieved!
- I think we did it! - Ha!
We have 20 minutes till the vortex touches the ground.
Then we can jump back.
Hey, guys.
- Today is September 3rd, 2005. - First day of school freshman year.
- Oh, that's the day... - 'The Incident.'
- Of course!
The day a module of quantum acceleration
first interacted with the space-time continuum! The rocket cart.
It's linked the wormhole from our present to this moment in the past.
- In a few moments our... - Dude.
Don't do it, Virgil.
Virg, no!
Virg, come on!
You're thinking of stopping what's going on there?
Why not? Isn't that what the Minutemen do? Un-do mistakes?
Well, I made a mistake down there.
I have a chance to be somebody.
OK, but know this.
What happened down there is we became friends.
That day that we were tied up together on that stupid Ram statue.
This day.
This day you hate so much because you got a little embarrassed?
This is my favorite day.
Even though I'd still be a nerd, it didn't really matter anymore,
because now I had a real friend.
And that would always make everything OK.
So much for always, I guess.
Listen... listen, Virg,
you do what you gotta do here.
And if things aren't the same on the other side...
...it's been a good ride.
Hey guys, wait! You shouldn't do that.
'Cause I've got a much better idea.
I mean, why don't we smear this all over them?
Losers.
No! No! The cIosure rate of the vortex went into overdrive!
- You're telling me... - If that touches the ground,
we'll be trapped here for good.
- What about Virgil? - There's no way we'll make it to him
and back to the vortex in time!
Charlie! Charlie, get up!
Get up, Charlie! We gotta keep moving!
Let's go!
We're never going to make it.
We're a mile away. We're stuck in the past forever.
Man, you do not want to go back there.
Kids getting roughed up by football players. It's real ugly.
You don't say?
At first, I felt kinda sorry for the dorky kid, but...
...then I realized, what does he need me for?
He's got himself a great friend down there.
And someday he'll have other great friends, too.
Scorch!
You know, let's come up with our own handshake.
Can we go? I don't feel like repeating three years of high school.
- Right. Sorry. - Good idea! Go, go!
Seatbelts!
Look out!
Car!
- Oh my God! - Whoa, whoa!
- What are you doing?! - What do you mean?
That was 1 4th Street! The vortex is back that way.
Oh, my bad.
- We're never gonna make it! - No problem.
- Whoa! - Yeah, grappling hook!
- Oh my God! - Yeah!
Now keep your hand on the wheel!
- Go, Virgil! - Go or we're not gonna make it!
We're not gonna make it!
Minutemen rule!
Where's my rocket cart?
What day is it?
That is it. No more time travel!
OK, up. You're supposed to be jogging.
Now, nobody loafs in my gym class.
- You don't understand! - I understand plenty!
I understand you're not jogging. So let's move it! Let's go!
Go! Go! Go!
Start jogging! Move it, move it, move it!
I got to get one of those cool jogging suits.
A smoking tire?
All right, people, no loitering in the hallways. Let's move it along.
Go!
I'm definitely gonna institute a dress code in this place!
See, Steph, I need her help. I have no idea what you just said.
I said, 'My boyfriend is a Iying cheesebrain.'
- Come on, Steph. - Derek, I'm trying to study.
You know what? This is the first day we time traveled.
The day we tried to win the lottery.
Wow, nice outfits, bozos.
Hey, Derek.
Have fun with Jocelyn.
What's that supposed to mean?
Oh, I don't know. I figured you're both so good with lipstick,
you'd make a perfect match.
You were always gonna be a dork anyway, Virgil.
And you were always gonna be a jerk, Derek.
Have a nice life.
- Ladies. - Oh, what's new, Cockatoo?
- Wow, you look like a superhero. - Thanks, pumpkin.
Mmm?
You've never kissed her. The scene in the hallway hasn't happened yet.
Oh, right. Jeanette, I'm sorry!
I was just... I can explain.
Hey, it's OK.
- Uh, Steph. - Oh, hey.
You didn't see me in here before, did you?
No, and um... what's with the weird suit?
Oh, I was just rehearsing a little school play
about time travel and, uh, it kinda got me thinking.
If I really could go back in time, what would I change?
That snowsuit?
I would tell Stephanie how I really feel about her.
That I think she's great.
- Really? - Yeah.
And if I could go back in time...
...I think I'd tell Virgil the same thing.
- Virgil! - What?
Charlie!
What does the word 'teleportation' mean to you?
It's bigger than time travel, a whole new transportation paradigm.
We still have the slide projector...
I'll call you.
- It's like time travel. - No, Charlie.
- Black hole! - Follow me.
Stephanie, listen to me! Talk to him, he likes you! You'll like him!
Think about gas prices. Think about global warming.
I could get Jeanette back!
OK, we're here. Where's the fire?
Ah, gentlemen, brace yoursel'ves,
for this is going to be the greatest invention...
In the history of all mankind.
Whoa. I knew the shrimp tacos were a bad idea.
You made another... He made another Charlie.
Yeah. I got that.
How great is this?
- I'm not sure 'great' is the word. - 'Terrible'?
- Yeah. That's it. - Think of the possibilities.
The practical applications? You have a violin lesson,
but you also want to catch Judge Judy.
No problemo. Here's the solution.
- Or you could just record it. - Mmm.
Bad example. I'm taking AP history and AP physics the same semester,
but for some reason I'm on academic overload,
and don't have time to study for both finals...
- Guys. - What are you doing?
- Zeke, Virgil. - That's my arm.
Where are you going? You can't leave us in here.
At least you'll have company.
What about the team? Minutemen ride again!
- I like that. What about the team? - That kid really loves science.
Yeah.
Hey, scooch over. I'm going for the pretzel nubs.
So, we're supposed to go inside the black hole and cIose it?
As far as I can figure, it's the only way.